


There's Your Answer

by c_orrin



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, attempted suicide, detailed descriptions of depression, i guess corrin is kind of leo's trigger ??, implied depression, its not explicitly stated but i implied that leo has depression, sort of i mean he punches a mirror so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 17:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7231792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c_orrin/pseuds/c_orrin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>someone asked me for a birthright fic in which leo becomes king and he deteriorates more and more under the pressure until he hits rock bottom and then takumi saves him.</p>
<p>
  <i>"He had never been a fan of mornings, but since he had become Nohr’s king, Leo had found it increasingly difficult to find the motivation to face each day. He was struggling, and he was alone."</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's Your Answer

**Author's Note:**

> im gonna be honest, i havent played birthright yet but i get the gist of what happens  
> i also spent way too long writing this one because i got super carried away with it because i can write sooo much about depressed characters, but im also really proud of this one

He had never been a fan of mornings, but since he had become Nohr’s king, Leo had found it increasingly difficult to find the motivation to face each day. He was struggling, and he was alone. Of course he still had Camilla, but his siter was broken beyond repair after the loss of Xander and her sweet Elise. Leo had not seen her smile for months. She no longer looked the radiant princess of Nohr, nor did she care.

Seeing the way his sister was suffering, Leo was glad she passed the crown to him. The pressure of ruling was already too much for him, and he couldn’t bear the thought of how it would affect her. He would never forget the sound of her screams when she found out about her brother and sister. Leo had barely seen or spoken to her since, having been burdened with desperately trying to hold a crumbling kingdom together.

This particular morning, however, Leo was unable to do anything to make himself move. He stared at the ceiling, wondering when he had lost the ability to cry. That’s all he wanted to do. Cry. Cry and beg for everything to back to the way it was. For Xander and Elise to be alive once more, for Camilla to go back to her cheerful and loving self, for Xander to be the king he was meant to be. The one that Leo was not.

Leo had never once thought that the throne would fall to him. He had always taken for granted that Xander would assume the throne and be the great king he was clearly meant to be. At the very least he thought if something happened, Camilla would become Queen. Never once had he thought that he would sit upon his father’s throne.

He sighed. He needed to get up soon. He had to at least check on Camilla even if he achieved nothing else today. After telling himself to do it over and over, he finally managed to sit up, exhaling shakily as he rubbed his face, pushing his hair back and tugging it harshly in frustration.

Eventually standing, he shuffled to the mirror. He barely recognised his own reflection any more. He sat at the vanity and held his head in his hands.

“Why the fuck am I still doing this?” He sobbed to himself quietly, his body quivering with the fear and anxiety of having to face another day. “This was never meant for me. You were always meant for this, Xander. You were supposed to be the king, and I was supposed to be by your side. It wasn’t meant to be like this. None of this was supposed to happen. It’s not fair…” Leo sobbed quietly, his chest heaving, but still no tears would come.

“IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR!” He snapped, screaming at his reflection. In a fit of rage and anguish, he shattered the mirror with his fist and threw everything off the desk, kicking the chair across his room.

He fell to his hands and knees, blood from the mirror dripping down his arm as his body convulsed with his sobs, and the tears finally came, fast and uncontrollable, mixing with his blood on the floor. He collapsed when his arms were no longer able to hold him up.

He hadn’t noticed when Camilla ran into his room screaming his name, having heard him shout and then the banging, he only noticed as she lifted him, cradling his head against her chest.

“I-I… I can’t… I can’t d-do this…a-any more…” Leo sobbed uncontrollably, clinging desperately to his older sister.

She tried desperately to calm him, stroking his hair and shushing him, gently rocking back and forth. “I am so sorry, my little Leo. I should be there for you and I’m not. I am sorry. I can’t lose you too, little brother, promise me you’ll stay. Promise me.” Camilla felt the tears start to well in her eyes, lifting Leo’s face to look at her.

Leo knew that was something he could not promise, though he wanted to so badly. He took a deep breath and nodded slightly, not trusting his voice.

After he had calmed down, Camilla kissed his head and spoke softly. “Do you want me to call a healer?” Leo shook his head, staring blankly at the wall. The tears had stopped as had his sobbing, and now just felt empty. All he wanted to do was sleep, but, he had the responsibility of keeping Nohr from crumbling.”

“Okay…” Camilla looked sad, guessing that Leo felt as though he didn’t deserve to be healed through magic. “Stay right here.”

She sat him up carefully, stroking his hair before going into the bathroom for medical supplies. Leo barely looked up as Camilla came back, kneeling down in front of him, lifting his hand carefully and lightly dabbing at it with a damp cloth to clean the blood, frowning as Leo didn’t even flinch.

“…Are you alright, Leo?” She almost whispered, starting to wrap bandages around his hand and forearm. He stayed silent until she had finished.

Finally, he took a deep breath and composed himself, standing up and holding his other hand out to help Camilla up. “Yes, thank you, sister. I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Taken aback by her brother’s sudden change in demeanour, Camilla blinked dumbly. “No…” She shook her head, coming back to herself. “No, I was already awake.”

Looking serious, she pulled Leo against her, pressing a kiss to his hair. She spoke softly but firmly. “Promise me. Promise that you’ll come to me if you need help. Please, promise me, Leo.”

There was a hint of sadness and fear in her voice, which Leo detected. He smiled slightly, hugging his sister back. The situation wasn’t exactly appropriate, but he was happy for someone finally worrying about him.

“I can’t promise, but I will try. Thank you, Camilla.”

“That’s all I ask, thank you. Are you alright for now? If you need me, I’ll be in my room for a while.” She embraced him one more time, double checking that he was okay, before leaving him to dress.

Once she was gone, Leo exhaled shakily. Deciding he would clean up his mess later, he moved to the closet and dressed slowly. He stopped when he got to the crown, staring at it with disgust for himself.

“I wasn’t meant to wear this.” He muttered quietly, sighing as he reluctantly put it on. Leo took a moment to collect himself, taking a deep breath before leaving to face whatever the day threw at him.

The day went by uneventfully. Leo had endured two meetings of angry men screaming at him about this and that. He didn’t care much to recall what it was about. Overall, his day was just average and he had been feeling better since speaking with Camilla in the morning. He was, until Corrin arrived with Prince Takumi and Princess Sakura and a few other unimportant Hoshidans.

He had forgotten about the negotiations he was supposed to have with Hoshido today. Normally, Leo wouldn’t be overly bothered by the Hoshidan presence in Nohr since the kingdoms were now at peace, and it was usually Takumi that came along with either Sakura or Hinoka. All of whom, Leo found it relatively easy to get along with. Especially Prince Takumi, though they never spoke often, the Hoshidan prince seemed to understand something about Leo that no one else did, and it made him feel at ease. He felt relaxed around Takumi, although his heart sped up slightly every time Leo saw him and he couldn’t explain why.

Normally, Leo would be fine, but today, Corrin was with them. He knew he would have to see her again eventually, but he still wasn’t prepared. He felt sick at the sight of her. He didn’t hate her. How could he hate the woman he once called his sister? The fact remained, however, that if Corrin had chosen Nohr over Hoshido, Xander and Elise would still be alive, and he was reminded of that thought every time he saw her. Leo wanted her to stay far away from him and Camilla. He felt that he would hyperventilate and vomit any time that she was in his presence.

He reluctantly went to greet his guests, smiling half heartedly at Corrin and Sakura, nodding slightly at Takumi. Takumi looked over Leo, seeing that something was obviously wrong, though he stayed silent, letting him lead them all into the hall. Once his guests were settled, a maid approached Leo.

“Lady Camilla apologises for her absence. She said she would love to be with you except…” The maid glanced at Corrin talking with Sakura, and looked sad.

“It’s alright, I understand. Please make sure she has something to eat though.” Leo sighed softly, composing himself again as the maid bowed slightly and left.

“I apologise for my sister’s absence, she’s not feeling well this evening.” He addressed his quests as he took his seat. He tried to ignore the way Takumi seemed to be staring at him.

As it got later and the conversations had relaxed, Leo sighed softly, struggling to focus on anything, lacking the motivation to try. It took him a moment to realise that someone was speaking to him.

“…eo? Leo? Are you alright? You look exhausted…” Corrin said, a worried expression on her face.

In a brief moment of exhaustion and depression, he lost himself and snapped at her. “You would be exhausted too if you were ruler of a country in shambles! I was never prepared for this role, that was always meant for Xander! But he’s not here any more-” He stopped himself before he said something he couldn’t take back. “Because of you.” Is what he had wanted to say.

“H-How could you be so mean to Corrin! She was only worried about you!” Sakura cried defensively.

“It’s okay, Sakura. I’m sorry, Leo, I spoke without thinking. I didn’t mean anything by it.” Corrin apologised.

Trying to hide the shock and shame he felt from what he just said, Leo stood suddenly. “I’m sorry… I-I… I didn’t… Please excuse me.”

Furious with himself, Leo quickly left. He almost ran through the castle, not sure where he was going until he found himself on the highest balcony. His breathing was heavy, unable to catch his breath. He leaned on the handrail, borderline hyperventilating and shaking so violently he was unable to stand without the support of the handrail.

As his heart pounded and his vision blurred, Leo realised, he couldn’t do this. No matter how hard he tried, how much he forced himself, he couldn’t live like this any more. What was the point in living if he only suffered more and more each day? He had no one other than Camilla.

“What’s the point?” He said to himself, his voice emotionless. His vision cleared, breathing relaxed, and shaking ceased. Leo climbed up and stood on the rail of the balcony, holding onto the wall with one hand. He felt completely calm as he looked out and then down at the fall he was ready to take.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

Leo turned suddenly, seeing Takumi leaning against the wall with his arms folded.

“Why are you here? Why do you care?” Leo snapped.

“Because I’ve been in your position, about to do something incredibly stupid. Besides, a fall from this height wouldn’t be pretty. What happened to your hand by the way? An accident I take it? Yeah, I’ve had those.” Takumi appeared calm to Leo, hiding the fact that his heart was pounding from running and fear that he might do something stupid.

Leo had nothing to say, he opened and closed his mouth, starting to regret his decision.

“I can tell you don’t really want to do this. You’re gripping the wall so tightly, you’re terrified. Come on, give me your hand.” The Hoshidan prince smiled warmly, stepping forward and holding his arm out.

Leo stared at the hand in front of him, his heart hammering in his chest as he felt his cheeks grow hotter. “You…You never answered my question properly. Why are you here?”

“…Give me your hand and I’ll tell you.” Leo could see Takumi blushing.

Slowly reaching out, Leo eventually took Takumi’s hand, but before he had the chance to step off the rail, Takumi pulled him down and against him. Leo suddenly felt something warm on his lips, his eyes widening as he realised that Takumi was kissing him.

The Hoshidan prince pulled back after a few seconds, blushing and looking at the floor but still holding Leo’s hand.

“There’s your answer.”


End file.
